I’ve started several blog posts over the last couple of months. I save them, but I never complete writing them. Why. Oh, I realize I’ve been busy since I’ve moved into my new house. Landscaping, painting…so many projects that have occupied my time as I’m trying to make this house a home for Jenni and I. But those are choices. Truth is, I’ve been running.
I had a conversation with my wise friend a couple of weeks ago.
Me: I've been running, Stac.
Stac: Do you need me to help you stop?
Stac: Maybe it's all a part of your journey?
Me: Yep. I think it is.
While I run during the day, at night I’ve been dreaming about Jillian. Not like the dream over a year ago where she came to me. In that dream, she had something to tell me. I KNEW it was her. No words were spoken, but she looked into my eyes with such love and intensity. Her purpose with that visit was to let me know she was okay. Roll your eyes if you want to. I was allowed a glimpse into God’s window. I saw her, felt her, “spoke” to her.
My latest dreams have been different, just normal (whatever normal is) dreams where she is a part of them. My most recent dream was at her high school.. She called me to pick her up with the excuse that she wasn’t feeling well. We were both standing by the counter in the office while I got ready to sign her out. Her cheeks were flushed, but not with fever or illness. I could tell. She just wanted to be home. In my heart I’m conflicted. This kid isn’t sick, she just wants to come home. I struggled with making her remain at school. But then the realization struck me that Jillian was going to die on December 29, and “so what “if she stays home?
I was able to pick my battles in that moment. What if we all knew when our death date was? Would we treat each other differently? Would we mend those relationships, take that trip, make that call and spend time with someone ? I would like to think we would.
So whatever your fear is, whatever is stopping you from making a difference, whatever is making you run……my prayer for each of you is that you find Peace as you continue your journey, that you find your way back on an even path, and that we learn to do it right. We are all connected in some way, to everyone and everything. We only get one shot at this. Just one.
Even after I've fallen, even though I've been running, I want to enter His kingdom one day greeted by the words, "You’ve done good".